Everyone tells you about the “terrible twos” when you have a child. A few people will even pull you aside and tell you “now two wasn’t so bad, but three was rough”. No one tells you honestly about the four year old. If they did, people might stop having babies I am convinced. We seemed to fly under the radar when it came to the “terrible twos”. During my son’s third year there would occasionally be burst of temper or some talking back and I’d think “oh this must be what they are talking about”. I secretly thought that my child must be better behaved than his terrible two peers. Then William turned four this spring. No one had told me about this. I was totally unprepared. It was a humbling experience.

I started really observing William loosing control and having tantrums (a polite word for fits) just a few weeks before he turned four. He would become whiney and emotional which would escalate to physically hitting, kicking, and screaming over any little thing. There didn’t seem to be a parenting book that addressed this for the four year old age. Most of the books about spirited, strong willed or intense children spoke to that two year old again. Was it just mine? I wondered. Then I emailed my mom’s group and described what I was experiencing with William. Next, came an outpouring of “I thought I was the only one”, everyone commiserating over how miserable life in the home had became with a four year old. We all agreed it seemed like the terrible twos but with an older child’s strength and extended verbal abilities. A cleverer well designed version of the terrible twos.

During the fourth year, a parent will likely deal with the child using profanity, becoming obsessive about death, a tendency towards playing guns and other violent play, stealing, lying, talking back to you, challenging the need for authority, giving up naptime, fighting bedtime, uncontrollable emotional outburst, intensified whining, tattling, bullying, hitting and kicking. If you could bottle the energy of a four year old and sell it as a pill for adults, you’d be a millionaire. They can play actively for hours and hours a day physically and still not be exhausted. Their minds work overtime and you’ll be asked at least 100 questions about how the world works by lunchtime. I’ve never understood parents who don’t enforce a regular bedtime, because by the time 7pm rolls around at my house, I’m exhausted. My son could easily go for hours longer. Four year olds are relentless. Four year olds do not show their parents mercy. ...  read more